For the past decade or so, I’ve found myself hooked into cable news like being stuck to a live wire. It’s killing me, but I can’t let it go. At various times, I’ll try to wean myself or seek an antidote in talking to other humans or dosing myself with news “from the other side.” We’ve got problems when the baseline of popular TV journalism has a side, but I digress…we are talking about ME and the United Nations of Cancer Cells I’m either hosting or exiling. Like the “Breaking News,” which isn’t really breaking or news but a series of fragments organized for entertainment or edification, I don’t have the final answer or outcome yet; I only have more information and hunches from pundits and experts. Some helpful and some not. I can find any number of experts to support whatever position I prefer. I’m staying the course and awaiting the “key race alert” that will call it.

Here's the update:

PET Scans looked clear, but I haven’t spoken to the doctor about them yet. Again, Dr. Google was responsive so I’m more than okay with that for now. It’s a win but hasn’t been certified yet.

The Tumor Board (a collection of doctors I suspect meets in a secret lair under the hospital) discussed my case. A nurse navigator called and told me she saw a note that they discussed my cancer and what I should do, but she couldn’t tell me anything about that. Cool, have a great weekend.

United Healthcare denied my claim and decided that a CT scan was unnecessary. I already did that scan, and the information sure felt important, but nah, they aren’t going to pay for it. They’re like the jerk boyfriend of a friend not invited to dinner who squeezes into the booth, asks for an extra glass, sticks his fingers in the hummus and then argues over the bill after all the apps have been shared and wine distributed. I wish I didn’t have to dine with him again, but it looks like we will be vacationing together for a while. We’ll fight it, but “UGH, I get it’s your money but no one wants you here!”

Next week, I have an appointment to start radiation, but I think the secret doctor meeting is probably going to tell me to wait for the third opinion that is pending later this week.

Thank you for the wonderful responses here and in person to my updates. I write this to sort myself out and share information all in one place. If it is helpful or entertaining at all, it is a bonus for my battered morale during a confusing time.

One friend even sent me a replacement sugar jar, so I know she read it carefully and loves me. Guess what? THIS is Breaking News! Literally, here is how it arrived.

Again, I think it means something. Feel the imperfection and embrace the love regardless of outcomes. Sweetness will arrive when it is ready and in surprising ways. The profoundly flawed humanity of every living soul is the true live wire that connects us all regardless of what network we watch. Except for health insurance companies. They can fuck right off.

If you are interested in my art, visit my shop here. My little demon from the previous post is now available, and I’ll be stocking new work when it is finished, hopefully more regularly.

Here is some of the time-lapse of “That Demon is Me” now available here.

Available now on Etsy

Here are some reviews of my shop. It means a lot to have this feedback to share and to know that my paintings found a loving home. Every comment and kudos is appreciated. If you have purchased my work here or on eBay, please review it to help me appease our robot overlords.

Thanks again for letting me share.