I grind my teeth when I sleep. I chip at my ego to work. I mine my head for ideas and calcium day and night.

If I stop grinding will I ever sleep?

If I stop chipping will I ever work?

I need to relax but I'm afraid of it; afraid of the creamy swirl of country comforts, middle age, farmer's markets, and sunset date nights, where I'll disappear.

Old ways are not serving me anymore. I've hit bedrock. I'm tired. I need a sunset date night.

I don't know how to be 45 and I have about 6 weeks to learn. My older friends will say I'm still young, my younger friends will stay I'm not that old. I feel a major transition though. No affirming meme with a grey-haired model will help.

I need to bite down on the unknown root, suck the medicinal bitterness from it and hope it does not poison me.