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What Did I Miss?

I feel like that guy who dips out near the end of the first act, returns at the climax, and asks “…What’d I miss?…wait a minute, who’s that? Wasn’t she dead…? ”

Do you too?

The last time I posted here was summer of 2018.

I’m back. You missed a lot. So did I.
Did you know there was a pandemic?

Excuse me as I shake off the crust of this suspended animation goo that has kept me from my fullest expression of art, love, and community.

Let me know how you’re doing too. Shit got weird.
Let’s get back to life together.

New Printable Postcards by Request "Where Are the Girls?"

Download a free .pdf that will print with postcard stock, 4 to a page or Avery product numbers 3263, 33380, 3377, 3380, 3381, 5689, 8383, 8387, 8577. Do not select, "scale to fit media" or anything like that on your print menu. 

I can't believe we need to ask these questions. 

Word for the Year 2018

ambitious

ADJECTIVE
 1 Having or showing a strong desire and determination to succeed.

‘a ruthlessly ambitious workaholic’

More example sentences

Synonyms

1.    1.1 (of a plan or piece of work) intended to satisfy high aspirations and therefore difficult to achieve.

‘an ambitious enterprise’

My word for the year is “ambitious” and I don’t like it so I’ll work on it until I do. Last year’s word, “nuance” was gentle and nurturing, an invitation to explore and sit with the confusion until the mist cleared. It made me feel better, made me a little smarter, and met me where I was with no judgment. This word though is like a junior high bully that still makes my stomach drop if I see her at the hometown Target 20 years later. We have a history, you see and I had packed ambition away as something too dangerous to consider with young kids in the house. This year, it won’t leave me alone. I wanted a different word but like most bullies, the power it wields is in my head and it is best to confront it head on.

Etymology reveals that early use in English was “always pejorative” so my revulsion isn’t completely unfounded but there is something particularly repulsive about claiming “ambitious” while female and that is what needs to change in my own mind if I hope to make a difference for anyone else, my family included.  Last month, I was speaking to a local business leader explaining a concept I thought might help the area, he grinned in a kind way, and oozed, “wellll, that’s ambitious…” If he could have patted me on my head I’m sure he would have and he awoke the beast. “Ambitious” sidled up to the bar right next to me and hasn’t left since. “Hey Pal, wanna show them what you’re really made of and crush someone along the way?”

“Go away! I’m a nice lady. He didn’t mean it that way. I like my quiet life. I’m a Mom! I need to worry about carpools and dance costumes.”

“That will never be enough…let’s be ugly.”

So that is my challenge for 2018. Can I create a path where compassion and maturity coexists with ambition? Can I trust myself with it? Can I use it for good? Can I make it not so ugly? I think so. I do feel hearted to learn that the Latin root is, ambitionem (nominative ambitio) "a going around," especially to solicit votes.  Soliticing votes in 2018 seems a worthy pursuit!

I begin my journey with an ambitious list of how I would like to show up in 2018. In the past I thought ambition was about “having it all” but I don’t believe anyone should have it all. That thinking leads to the ugly, lonely side of ambition and is not what I want my year to be about. I do believe everyone should have what they need and will do what I can to work towards that goal. If your word hasn’t found you yet, I’d welcome some company. Feel free to share your own ambitious list for 2018.

1.    All the people I love and care for will feel loved and cared for. This includes my husband, daughters, my rural community, my digital community, co-workers and friends.

2.     I will be compensated for my time, experience, and expertise appropriately so I am able to donate my time, experience and expertise to worthy causes.

3.     I will work with people I trust and respect and be sure they trust and respect me.

4.     My art will not stagnate as my schedule changes.

5.     I will help my family get out of debt and be honest about financial limitations.

6.     I will teach my daughters to care for themselves, their home, and each other. I will not let my own anxiety about being a “perfect mom” keep them from growing into confident women.

7.     I will understand my privilege and use it accordingly. I will model a better way to show up or sit down as needed. If I make a mistake I will apologize and work harder to do better.

8.     I will help the women I know and respect win their political races.

9.     I will review my past choices and be open to both harsh critique and generous reframing. I will apologize and forgive as needed.

10.  I will not quit.

11. I will work with love and peace as my guide and not allow ambition to make me or my goals ugly. 

Wish me luck. I'm tired already. 

Of Mice and Snakes (and Sticks that look like Snakes)

On my walk yesterday I walked right up to a stick, that was actually this!

"How stupid of me", I immediately thought then realized I didn't even know why I felt stupid; for thinking it was a stick, for being alarmed it was a snake, for feeling jumpy walking past it when it clearly didn't want to harm me?

"Either way, I'll keep an eye out when I walk back. Oh look, there it is!"

Nope, just a stick. I felt stupid again for all the same reasons in reverse; for overthinking it, for being too cautious, for not enjoying my walk correctly, for not keeping it breezy, cool, and strong. 

This all-knowing, I am consumed with getting right, that runs like a soundtrack to my life, changing tempo to cue hilarity, peril, passion or the mundane is wildly distracting and I'm trying to understand it better to tamp it down. I'm sure you've surmised by now this got me thinking beyond snakes and sticks.

As the "me too's" roll in and men understand more about how women navigate the world, I'm not sure they realize how consistently women assess situations and turn the responsibility on themselves. Many times, I didn't even understand the situation I was in until it was over and I vowed not to be fooled again. Brave women sharing their stories have liberated me from some of the guilt of not getting it right but not from the reality I live in. If I get hurt or put in danger, I understand someone will eventually say it is partially my fault. That "someone" could even be me accusing myself. Getting it wrong is embarrassing at best and fatal at worst. 

Here's what I found in the parking lot.

"Stupid mouse, never saw it coming." "What's up with whatever killed it? Didn't even eat it?" "It's not about food! It's about Power! "or "Poor mousey!" Maybe some wisdom about nature and the universe? Does it even matter?

So I guess this is a plea for compassion from the "good guys" out there. Please understand, sometimes you look like a snake. I know it isn't your fault but sometimes we get it wrong about you when we are always trying really hard to get it right. It is so hard to know and many of us have been lied to by people who swore we could trust them. If we do read it wrong, taking your "stick-ness" and beating us over the head to prove how much you are not a snake is more painful than avoiding an actual snake. I get that it is frustrating. It is frustrating for us too!  It is a skittish time for a lot of women talking about this for the first time, so anything you can do to help out is truly appreciated. 

I'm ready to let some defenses down and I've felt encouraged by meaningful conversations I've had with men about new understandings they are coming to. I want new understanding too. I think we've been so conditioned not to tell the truth we don't even know how to speak about it properly.

However, I remain hopeful. 

Are you a Wader, Swimmer, or Diver?

If you’ve been following Elisa Parker and me you may have heard us reference the Waders/Swimmers/Divers of activism and engagement. While it is a simple metaphor for interviews and calls to action, we’ve observed it works well in application; organizing people and helping them stay engaged. It is a concept based on my experience as a media producer, particularly during the early days of developing web content that dovetailed with traditional media. It is a popular concept in those circles that I’ve adapted since working on the Women’s March Sacramento.

I shared these concepts with Indivisible Women Nevada County as we worked to understand, convey and support messages across different experiences. I refer to it often to help me reframe things that feel too personal or distracting. It is all personal really but I've been sidelined by reactive actions when I needed to focus on creating the change I'd like to see. Learning to avoid that or disengage is a lifelong process. I'm a work in progress on taking the high road for greater good.

Because much of our political discourse is done through social media, many concepts are directly transferable but the real fuel of activism is the passion that each individual brings to their engagement on the issue. Respect for the specific time, energy, and experience of each person, while holding together the whole, is the bedrock of organizing. It is especially important as national “political brands” shape the language we use to communicate. People are at the heart of all effective movements and most would agree they have experienced distracting communication breakdowns.

If there is confusion in your organization, effectively engaging people to communicate with each other will take care of much heavy lifting on trying to “control the message”. Control is an illusion and often alienates good people looking to lend a hand. Internal conflicts lead to confusion and hurt feelings as well as actively distract from the real work that brought everyone together. Screaming "You're focusing on the wrong thing!" can be equally disheartening to the people you need the most. Even if it is entirely true, tone, language and nuance can help empower people to navigate their own waters effectively. 

As I’ve said many times, I’m newbie. I’m going to throw these concepts out there in the hope we can share experience to gain understanding and move forward. If you think I’m way off base, I’m willing to hear it. I share this information with the caveat that it isn’t peer reviewed, double-blind tested, academically approved, or certified outside of my experience navigating the media world and the new political landscape for the past few months. I am simply taking my own advice and sharing what I know. 

I would love it if you took some time to review via your own efforts and tell me if it feels applicable. I know Indivisible Women Nevada County has been using these categories to help them express how they show up and communicate to good effect. If you think it might work for your organization feel free to adapt and share for your needs. If this proves helpful, I'll share concepts on dealing people "observing from the shore" in my next post.

 

Read the descriptions below and let me know if they resonate for you or if there is something I should add. We all grow from teaching and learning. Thanks for letting me share. 

Are you a Wader? 

You are just dipping a toe in and figuring out if you fit into the movement calling you. You know you need to do something in this political climate but not sure what. You want to be the most effective you can be with clear limits to time and energy.

Perhaps you were a Swimmer or a Diver but circumstances have required you to take on a Wader role.

Specific Areas You Can Help:
Daily calls to politicians or organizations asking for change or thanking them for support.
Discussing your involvement with friends and encouraging others to dip in.
Supporting Divers with specific needs like donations, call banks, voter registration, social media shares/comments and being an audience to bigger actions.

Leadership:
There are leadership activities that require less time commitment. Go through your toolbox of skills and let your group know what you can offer: printing, fundraising, design, welcoming new members, sign making, childcare, art, writing etc. Channel your enthusiasm into skills that you already have. You’ll feel better seeing things get done in a shorter amount of time, build connection through an existing passion and the rest of the group will appreciate the quick action.

Awareness:
Be aware that enthusiasm ebbs and flows. Take breaks as needed. Learn to set a workable pace and adapt as you go.

Don’t judge yourself or compare yourself to others. Limits to time and energy can feel frustrating. The group dynamic should feel supportive. If you are feeling judged, overwhelmed, or angered reach out to one or two like minds within instead of turning away. Let a Swimmer know you are struggling and ask for help setting a workable pace.

Understand the limits and challenges to Swimmer and Diver actions before signing up. We want everyone to be safe and healthy.

Be respectful of others’ time as you learn without judgment. If something does not resonate for you and you would like to share feedback, do so with the understanding it is important to the person engaging in it. It may be her life’s work.

If there is something you don’t understand, ask for clarification or more reading. Sometimes it is great to ask in a public forum. Sometimes a more personal approach gets to deeper understanding. Often an innocent question sounds like an accusation when asked in social media or at an event. Dialogue and questions are great so be sure it is productive in order for you to get what you need to move forward.  If it appears everyone knows what is going on and you aren’t clear, ask privately for additional information so you can get up to speed at your own pace. Sometimes the rush of Swimmers and Divers feels like lack of consideration. It shouldn’t feel personal but it often does.

Are You A Swimmer?

You know how to hold your breath underwater and make it cross the pool! You have some training and expertise in the issues most important to you. Setting a pace for change comes a little easier as you’ve worked in activist roles before and understand you win some; you lose some. You have time to commit to showing up for political action but it can’t be your full time job. Perhaps you’d like to do more but life circumstances and responsibilities require a clear limit to your engagement.

Specific Areas You Can Help:
Onboarding and teaching new activists.
Creatively organizing “small bite” actions for Waders.
Creatively strategizing “big bite” action for Divers.
You’re the middle child here; help hold the center together with respectful communication about the limits and challenges in each action.

Model good boundaries and best practices for maintaining them in all your communications.

Leadership:
You know your issues and effectively communicate when something big is bubbling up and when something should be kept on the radar at a marathon pace. You may have a specific story to share about how an issue is affecting you. Work on honing that and strategizing the best way to share it. If you don’t have a story, support someone who does. Recognize Waders looking to go deeper and help them set their own pace. Recognize when a Diver needs to get involved or needs help clarifying a position to the lager group. Don’t hesitate to contact them with clear solutions.

Awareness:
Holding the middle can be an important challenge. Don’t feel compelled to take a Wader or Diver position if conflict comes up. There should be no judgment in the middle or at the edges. Know your limits of how much you can do and absorb. All the issues are important so take comfort in knowing you are part of a group with experts in each area. Save a little space to learn more to better inform your focus but don’t feel compelled to focus on it all. If you see some misinformation or would like to clarify an issue assess weather it is best discussed in public or private before responding with a goal towards deeper understanding. Often communicating in a broadcast fashion is less effective.

Be aware of your own oxygen as well as the Waders and Divers. You don’t want to throw someone into the deep end before they are ready, nor do you want rip the oxygen mask off someone below sea. It often appears that Divers have gills, they don’t. They have their limits as well. If you have a concern please feel comfortable sharing but be aware a concern with a solution attached is always well received.

Are you a Diver?

You’ve got all the gear, training, experience and skills to spend hours under water. Perhaps this is a lifetime of activism or perhaps you know you are called to make it a life. You are willing to actively engage in public action, travel great lengths to protest, run for office, create a foundation, put your life and body into this work that feels most important to you.

Specific Areas You Can Help:
Creating events
Running for office
Communicating with national media and like minded organizations
Shaping message and strategy
Rallying enthusiasm

Leadership:
You can model and inspire others with your action. You can effectively communicate to large groups and at the national level. You represent the change we want to see in body and deed. Modeling how to be passionate about an issue, recover from setbacks and work with people who may not agree with you is key.

Awareness:
Your commitment can inspire as well as intimidate. By no fault of your own, your choices may feel like judgment. Awareness that enthusiasm can create a rush of energy that sometimes blows past people is important. Invitations to engage are specifically challenging, as often the work you do isn’t for everyone.

Consider how public communication and actions serve Waders and Swimmers as well. Please effectively communicate physical and legal risks attached to all your actions.

You may have been doing this a long time but there is always something new to learn. If your answer is “We’ve always done it this way”, consider going deeper. Take time to communicate with Waders and Swimmers outside of large groups. Often people need a more personal invitation to engage. Your enthusiasm on an issue may feel like you are asking the group to agree with you. Consider how the goal of understanding plays a key role in the dynamic of this multifaceted group. Encourage others to stay within the group even if they disagree with something you are passionate about. 

Let's Get Creative

As my newly activated friends and I continue our journey, one theme consistently emerges, "How do we get to a marathon pace?"  Like many others, I've wondered if my engagement is sustainable or a simply a part of a reactive mind trying to heal a broken heart. I've even considered if I might, at one point, "get it over it." as many have suggested I do.

Well I'm not over it and I can say after much rest and perspective, I won't get over it. I don't need to rehash the shock and horror I felt or shed one more tear. I can organize, get out the vote, learn more, engage more and get creative. It helps and it helps me to see others do it too! 

So here are 3 things to stir your creative juices and hopefully inspire you to use what talent you have to express yourself. This isn't a sprint, so it helps to do what you love while making a difference.

New Postcards
This time I included a detail of my own painting, "Miss Get Over It 2017" inspired by...well...I bet you can guess...you know that... (Unintelligible.)

As always they are free to download and donations are gladly accepted. The downloadable .pdf works with 4 Tall Postcard stock or Avery product numbers 3263, 33380, 3377, 3380, 3381, 5689, 8383, 8387, 8577.

Episode 2 District One Media Report (Now with a podcast home and bad-ass logo)
Listen Now

New Column
A brand new voice at Broke Ass Stuart. Meri Mohr is one of many new friends I can thank the President  for. I am so happy she is sharing her story here.
THE RESISTANCE IN TRUMP COUNTRY CALIFORNIA

I am working on some tips to get you and your community organized and engaged. Kindergarten rules still apply: sharing is good and I'm happy to let you know what we've learned. Stay tuned!
 

CA District One Media is Here

Sometimes the work of changing a district from solidly red to blue feels impossible. It is especially challenging when allies tell you it is impossible too. This is why I'm so grateful for my friends who look at the numbers and say "What?! Easy! We can do that!" and get to work doing something about it.

In the spirit of a true, grassroots, effort, please welcome to the airwaves "CA District One Media" which premiered on KVMR this week. 

Listen here:

Awesome, right? Gives you all sorts of ideas and inspiration, right? Wondering how you can help, right? 

This is only the beginning of what many smart, committed, and talented people are ready to launch. Here are 3 ways you can get involved now:

1. Know a fresh voice in CA District One who is fired up about the state of our current politics and wants to use their voice to make real change? They need someone who is camera ready and willing to commit to regular taping sessions now through the 2018 mid-term elections. Maybe it is you! If so, contact Stephanie Nix, snix@onsitemanagement.net. Let her know your skills or share a great YouTube video that reflects your talent. This is an unpaid position. 

2. Tune in to KVMR news hour 6-7pm PST every Monday to hear the latest on elected officials' actions in Congress, their votes, and public comments. Talk to your friends about what you learn. Share your concerns.

3. If you have some extra money lying around, make a donation to KVMR. Community radio is more important than ever. 

Stay tuned for more!

Indivisible Women and A Day Without A Woman Nevada County

There is no one right way to do this, like there is no one right way to be a woman.

KVMR Interview

More cool images to use from Indivisible Women. Click here to use them.

IndivisibleWomen.org

Facebook page for the latest! 

Hashtags to use for the day.

#SheMeansBusiness
#IndivisibleWomenNevadaCounty
#WhyIResist
#ArmyOfLove
#DayWithoutAWoman
#DayWithoutAWomanNC

New Postcards and a Donate Button

I have been overwhelmed with requests for the postcards I created this week. I wish I could fill every request and hand deliver each one with a big hug and cup of tea.

That doesn't seem practical though. 

And I'm working on being practical. I'm trying to use my emotions as fuel to create change and spread understanding, not burn out quickly in a fiery show. I know that sounds like some hippy stuff but in simple terms, I need to work, eat, love my family, and still show up in a new role as politically active. I thought I was active before, ha! 

In my effort to find balance I'm including a donate button as people keep generously offering to purchase cards. That doesn't feel right though. I made them with the intent to gift them to my community at a small event for free. I wish I could afford to gift as many as were requested (with the tea and hug too). 

The card designs are fairly simple but it did take me about 5 hours to design them, print them and now upload them. I'd like to continue offering digital designs for free as well as my FB "Today I'm thinking about..." posts that have generated lots of great feedback and discussion.  I do much of it for myself, to figure out where and how an artist, LA transplant via Cleveland and Pittsburgh, mother, wife, friend, writer, fits into the big picture but I've come to understand that sharing my vulnerability helps other people too. 

So until we can meet for tea, I'd be grateful for any donation to help keep me working, thinking, sharing, and painting. My friend, Elisa tells me to be more open to abundance around my gifts.

I will take people asking to give me money as a sign and humbly attach this button. 
 

To be clear this is not going to any non-profit. It is going to me. If you like what I'm doing, I'll gratefully accept a donation and keep going.

If not, please still enjoy these cards! They are designed  to be printed on card stock 8.5" x 11" or Avery style Postcards 4 to a page. Some will have a back but if you don't have a fancy 2-sided printer I encourage you to just print the front. I bet a friendly local printer could whip some up for you too using the files provided. 

Thanks for letting me share.
 

This download includes 2 sides with the back addressed to Doug LaMalfa. Feel free to download and only print the front so you can address your own state representative. 

This In Not Normal Postcards

Here are some free postcards. They are in black and white and can be printed on Avery brand postcard stock 5389 for the set of two and Avery 5689 for set of 4.

I like to think they are bipartisan. 

Word for the Year 2017

My 2016 Word for the Year was "Solo". It was effective and helped me navigate storms I never saw coming.

2017 word is "nuance". 

noun
1.

a subtle difference in colour, meaning, tone, etc; a shade or graduation

verb (transitive; passive) 
2.

to give subtle differences to: carefully nuanced words.

Word Origin

C18: from French, from nuer to show light and shade, ultimately from Latin nūbēs a cloud

As I scratch to find common ground and purpose at the end of 2016 (a shit show by most standards), my greatest obstacle is binary thinking, absence of nuance. I was lectured quite definitively about "fight or flight" when a gun enthusiast questioned if I had the guts to take a life to protect my own. As a victim of gun violence, I shared the nuance of what actually happens when a gun is at your head. I think we found common ground there and I'm glad for the conversation. 

That conversation eventually hit an impasse but even my progressive friends have left me flat with their own popular "love or fear" world view. I have tried but I can't assimilate that narrow choice and apply to my own emotional state. I wish I could. I'm jealous of the clarity but unable to find inspiration or comfort there. Can't hating something be part of the chiaroscuro of love in action? Can't a person fight something by turning away from it? Shouldn't a person show up to defend what is right in a democracy before 20/20 hindsight makes everything perfectly clear? I owe it to myself and my country to observe the nuance in individual experience; to struggle for deeper understanding before charging ahead.

"Doing it right" is impossible in this clumsy mass of emotions and experience that is "me". I'll say the wrong things and I'll tend to my ugly feelings in ugly ways but I'll try to do better. I suspect other good people feel the same; cowed and quiet or crippled by rage due to impossible choices fomented through media machines, political agenda, familial loyalty, educational bias, sexual urges, parenting anxiety and marketing hacks. I'd like to get to know more about those experiences. I think it will require more face to face time. I know it will require an easily replenished well of forgiveness for myself and others. 

The origins are from the Latin "cloud". I was waiting to find a word that felt more definitive, more clear but that isn't going to happen.  It is my job to find the lines to draw and the edges to soften. It can't be all broad strokes although sometimes they are required.  

2017 I will move forward, embracing the lack of clarity, walk in the clouds, armed only with the confidence that I know the difference between piss on my leg and a soft Spring rain. 

"Miss Get Over It Series" will be on display at The Osborn Woods Gallery at The Miners Foundry starting January 12. 

Miss Get Over It 2017
18" x 24"
Oil, Acrylic, Graphite, Pastel on Canvas

Miss Congeniality 2017
18" x 24"
Oil, Acrylic, Graphite, Pastel on Canvas

First Runner Up 2017
18" x 24"
Oil, Acrylic, Graphite, Pastel on Canvas

Back to the Sea

I ran into another artist the other day who mentioned a critique she was given. Her paintings need "more narrative". I almost gasped as I recalled a critique I was given, "too much narrative." Like parenting, I'm able to find an expert to tell me I'm doing it wrong no matter what I do. What a relief to consider it doesn't matter.

Not caring is a lifetime practice. I try to go deeper into the stretch of not giving a fuck, every year. Drilling down to the marrow of experience to find the purity of my vision, that will take a lifetime. I'm almost certain I can't transcend it completely, but the journey is the practice and the journey is worth it. I try to save my worries for my kids' future and remembering to buy dog food.

"Mermaid Girl" is an attempt to capture a "real mermaid". The image is about authenticity. What would it be like if you saw a real one? It would probably be out of the corner of your eye, not preening on a rock.  Maybe you'd doubt you actually saw it, doing her own thing regardless of perceived deformity or sexualized mythology. She doesn't care about your legs and there is something magical about that. 

Mermaid Girl

20" X 20"

Available exclusively at Conjuring Design

Solo Update

I love when past self does future self a favor. 

"Damn out of coffee... (pause) Wait a minute? Didn't I stick an extra bag somewhere once thinking I'd one day forget coffee?"

Yay for past self! You knew future self would appreciate it and she does. 

This morning I was looking at an application for a show and was about to call friends who had done it before or friends who have attended or other artists to see if they wanted to share the booth but something felt wrong. Processing opinions and consensus into a decision is often the basis of my navigation system. There was a nagging feeling that I should try a different way this time.

So back in January I picked my word for the year: "Solo".

On this day in 2013 this interview was published on Lucy Meskill's awesome blog Tincture and Spill. 

I read them both and it was like remembering I bought the bonus 2 pack of deodorant on the day one fell in the toilet. I needed to hear all this and had past self to thank for it.

I submitted my application without "checking in" "reaching out" "picking brains" or "just wondering" and felt a little queasy. It is a tiny, mental, victory but a win none the less. It is a validation of the person I was when I chose the word of the year late in 2015. I can almost hear the echo of past self cheering me on.

Also, thank you for supporting my eBay auctions! It feels great to be back there, a little older and wiser but still open to the magic of putting my work out there. Please know, no bid is small. Every bid from .99 on means I can keep going and is a vote of confidence when I don't feel brave.

I currently have 3 auctions going with one ending today. 

This two 4" x 4" pieces will be available to bid until September 8. 

"Little Night Bear"
4" x 4"
Oil Acrylic Graphite on Canvas
Bid until September 8, 2016

"Little What Now Cat"
4" x 4"
Acrylic Oil Graphite on Canvas
Bid until September 8, 2016

Before and After

I'm resisting the urge to continually document and pay homage to the "before". It robs me of momentum.

Review, documentation, and transition are job requirements but measuring success based on the mess you were drags down the future. It isn't an apology, it is a journey.

I am wrapping up the residency. I'll be porting over my main site content to this new site with my remaining time. I'll leave behind the "before" to focus on the "after". 

I can't tell you what I learned. I can only show you. 

"Saint After"
8" x 8"
Oil, Acrylic, Graphite on Canvas
Available to bid now for 7 days on eBay. Starting bid only .99 with no reserve.

Join me this Fall:

• Featured artist at Conjuring Designs
• Auctions on eBay throughout the rest of the year
• Work from this summer on display at Cult of Gemini, Grass Valley, September-December
• 3rd Annual "War on Women Art Show", Pittsburgh, October 13
• New small works arriving at Neva Co, Nevada City, Mid-October
• Of course my store is always open.
• Special studio visits with art and ideas will be scheduled for  October/November/December
• Stay up to date on events, works in progress, videos and auctions on Facebook.

Book of Secrets

When I'm raw, exposure is the measure of healing. Is it wise to share everything, bleach out the infection with the light? Maybe I require a salve and bandage to smother and heal? The pendulum is maddening.

Balance is the key to finding the groove in time with the earth. I've learned some things this summer. I'm carrying them with me into the longer nights and am completely comforted by seeing my art, my collectors, my computer are all here. 

My daughters have secrets they need to keep too. I have to trust them to manage their internal lives and keep open to any opportunity to learn more. 

Next week school starts and I'll officially be out of my "residency" and moving into a new mode, online, in stores, at shows.

I'm looking forward to sharing and getting lost in it all over again. 

"Kitty Girl and Her Book of Secrets"
8" x 8"
Oil Acrylic Graphite on Canvas
Available to bid on eBay until August 27, 2016
Starting bid .99 with no reserve.

Back to My Story

I've been traveling on and around and through it this summer. It felt like a swirl but the days are getting shorter. I'm ready to open my eyes, rub the summer dust from them and ease into a deeper understanding of my role.

"Swirl"
Acrylic Oil Graphite on Canvas
12" x 12"
$200
Available exclusively at ConjuringDesigns.com

Emerge or Retreat

Emerging often looks like retreat. 

Retreat/Emerge
8" x 10"
Oil Acrylic Graphite on Canvas
$180

Less Talk, More Work

Trying to quiet my brain and quiet my nagging. The two are connected, taut as a lariat yanked in a panicked attempt at control.

Shhhh...let's sit on the ground and snuggle the dogs. We'll make art and cool ourselves on the paint splattered concrete.

Let's create a mess we can clean up and enjoy the day.